For those of you who know me, you know I have two sisters...one who is half with my biological father and his first marriage, and the sister I grew up with. Both are significantly older than me, 9 and 13 years respectively. The point is, big age difference lead to me growing up sort of an only child. I didn't really have that sibling who was there every day to fight with, share clothes with, etc. I guess in the area of full disclosure, I've always had an element of loneliness disguised as fierce independence. Don't get me wrong, I'm no victim and I'm not having a pity party (although a bad excuse for a party is better than no party!)
The point of this background information is that being in a family with much older siblings made me want my child to grow up with a sibling who was close in age....the ultimate amigo, the dynamic duo, someone to always be there for him. Well that didn't happen....the stars didn't align, it wasn't meant to be. This has been a challenge for me to overcome, but now that we're flirting with his 8th birthday (oh.....and the divorce....details!), I've come to (almost) accept the fact that it just ain't gonna happen. It's been a struggle, however recently I've been reminded that biology does not an ultimate amigo make!
I'm taking comfort in knowing my son will, as I did, develop equally fulfilling relationships and have those people in his life regardless of biology. I'm not sure what they're called in dude language, but I call them soul sisters.....and I'm blessed to have them. I decided when I started blogging I wouldn't name names to always respect privacy, but you two know who you
are...and I love you madly!
Being a mother has been such a lesson in learning and in reflecting upon my own childhood. In someways I feel more blessed because I got to choose my soul sisters! There's no default, obligation or guilt about who I confide in and look to for guidance. And let me tell ya...I don't always get the answer I want! It's not like I'm coddled and told what I want to hear? True friendship....good, bad and at times, ugly and hard. That's what sisters do...overcome and survive. That has nothing to do with biology.
I'M BLESSED...and my son will be too!
Another very solid lesson I learned is that biology doesn't guarantee my son will love me.
Love and trust are not a right based on birth. I pray every day for God to make me a good Mom! One that he will want a relationship with and that I'm able to fulfill his ideal of not only a Mother but a soul mother as well. That means I need to be honest when it would be easier to tell a white lie, take ownership when I've let him down, and treat him as a person first and foremost. He might only be 7.95 years old :o) but he has thoughts, opinions and feelings...and
they are valid! Rational...well, we're working on it! But totally valid to him.
This has been a lesson for me in forgiving myself for not giving him a sibling, even though he begged for "a pink baby sister by 2 O'clock" and in knowing family really can be anyone.
Family reaches beyond a common last name or blood type, and for me is defined by a love that I choose to protect and cultivate every day.
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